The Wisdom to Know the Difference
by Balizabeth
Summary: The Weasley's find out what happened to Harry during the third task. Harry needs help, and the Weasley's and Sirius are ready to give it. The question is, can Harry accept it?. Critical reviews needed! *complete*
1. Sleepless Nights and Memories

The Wisdom to Know the Difference  
  
Disclaimer: Despite her lateness in releasing the fifth Harry Potter book, J.K Rowling reigns supreme in Harry Potter land and I would never try to make any money off of that. Come on, now. There must be something better to do with your time than search for missing disclaimers in HP fanfiction. You wouldn't be able to get any money out of me, anyway.  
  
  
  
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  
The courage to change the things I can,  
And the wisdom to know the difference  
  
  
  
Harry Potter lay wide-awake on his bed, arms folded, and staring at the ceiling. He glanced at the clock next to his bed for what felt like the hundredth time. Just as he knew it would, the clock still read 3:14.  
  
"Well, Potter, what did you expect?" He thought to himself in aggravation. "Last time you looked, one minute ago, it was 3:13. You don't expect the night to fly by on your account just because you have been having trouble sleeping, did you?" Harry moaned quietly. Berating himself seemed to be counterproductive. Besides, he got enough sarcastic insults from his relatives. He didn't need to join in. But why does the night seem to last so long, particularly when one cannot sleep at all?   
  
Sleep did seem hard to come by for Harry these days. Ever since he got out of Hogwarts three weeks ago, he either took hours to fall asleep or never got the chance. Resignedly, he got out of bed. Since it was clear he was not going to get any rest tonight, he might as well get something done. He didn't really feel like doing schoolwork...Harry's eyes moved around the room, finally resting on Hedwig, sleeping in her cage. He might as well write to Ron and Hermione, and Sirius while he was at it. All of their previous letters had been anxious and carefully written, phrased in such a way as if they didn't want to disturb him. Harry couldn't really blame them. When they had last seen each other, it was right after the Tournament, and they knew Harry was still haunted by the events of the third task, even if they didn't know what had happened.  
  
Harry massaged his temple, deep in thought. It wasn't that he didn't want to tell them. Or maybe it was. He had a hard enough time thinking about that night, let alone reliving it to people, no matter how sympathetic those ears might be. Inevitably, the memories of that night came rising up out of his mind, the voices tortured whispers, magnified tenfold by his guilt and fear...  
  
"Kill the spare..."  
  
"Take my body back, bring me back to my parents, please Harry..."  
  
"Avada Kedavra!"  
  
  
Mentally willing the voices away, Harry drew out a fresh sheet of parchment, and began his letter to Ron, reflecting people long dead and memories that refused to stay buried...  
  
Dear Ron,  
  
I'm fine. I am actually starting to sleep better, so don't worry...  
  
  
  
  
  
*Well, there you are. This is my first time writing fanfiction, although I do a lot of writing for other things. Please, please review. Give me suggestions, criticism. If you hate it, tell me what to do to make it better! I would like some reviews before I continue, but I won't be dramatic and demand a certain amount before the next chapter.  
  
I have had this plot rolling around in my brain and driving me crazy, so I figured it was time to get it out. I haven't noticed it on ff.net, but if something like this is there, I am not stealing your story! Please ask questions, or e-mail me at RubyRedEC@attbi.com.  
  
Goodnight, and thank you...and, review!  
Balizabeth 


	2. Reflections and Hopes

The Wisdom to Know the Difference  
  
  
  
God, grant the me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change  
The courage to change the things I can  
And the wisdom to know the difference  
  
  
  
*  
On with the story! I will have a longer author's note at the bottom. This chapter will hopefully be longer. Enjoy!  
  
  
  
  
  
Breakfast at The Burrow was always a noisy affair. Fred and George donated generously to the chaos, as did Mrs. Weasleys' shrill cries for them to stop. People were yelling for food to be passed, and morning conversation (and, yes, it cannot be denied, arguments) were well underway. With a table setting made up of Mrs. and Mr. Wesley, Fred and George, Ginny, Percy, Ron, and occasionally Bill or Charlie, who could be surprised?   
  
Which is why it was most peculiar that the breakfast table was almost silent this morning. Mrs. Weasley rushed about tight-lipped, putting more and more food on everyone's already full plates. Ron sat staring straight at food, pushing it around on the plate and not saying anything. Fred and George, in an unusual display of empathy, were quietly eating. Finally, Mrs. Weasley spoke up,  
  
"Ron, dear, have you heard from Harry lately? It seems like a long time since he last wrote." Mrs. Weasley was growing more and more concerned about the boy who she seemed to believe was one of her own. And it cannot be denied that Harry was in desperate need of the mothering.  
  
"Yes, mum, he sent an owl just this morning, remember?" Ron tried to keep the annoyance out of his voice, which was hard because he was every bit as worried about Harry as his mother was.  
  
"Well, now, what did he say? How are his aunt and uncle treating him? Is he getting enough to eat? Has he been sleeping well? How is he feeling?" Under this barrage of questions, Ron felt his annoyance grow.  
  
"What does he ever say, mum? 'I'm doing well....' 'No bad dreams...' 'Plenty to eat, I am sleeping better...' You know it's a lie, mum! Since when does Harry ever let us know when he is not okay? He is trying to hide himself from us ever since that blasted tournament! And you know what the worst part is? The part that clinches it all? I don't even know what bloody happened to him, so I can't help! He won't tell anyone what happened! I bet the only people that know are the professors and Sirius! God knows something awful went on, he came back with a stab mark on hi arm, and now suddenly, Voldemort is back! He must have gone through something awful, and I don't know what it is! I bet it's torturing him, eating at him, and he won't let me know!"   
  
Ron's voice was rising uncontrollably, as the words he had been keeping in since school let out poured from his mouth. Fred and George were staring with their mouths slightly open, and Molly Weasley was holding her hand against her mouth as sadness and horror grew in her eyes. Ron's voice now dropped to a broken whisper.  
  
"Harry won't let me help him, mum. And I want so much to help him." Ron turned away suddenly, trying to hide the tears forming in his eyes. Mrs. Weasley rushed forward, holding her youngest son tight in her arms.  
  
"I know, Ron, I know. We all want to help him. He just can't bring himself to tell us now. All we can do is let him know we will be there for him, and make him feel loved. When he's ready, he will come to us. We just have to be there for him." During this, Fred and George left the room silently. Ron thought he heard one of them say, "Poor bloke" under his breath as they left.   
"I wonder whom he was talking about?" Ron thought to himself, "'Poor bloke' who?" As though she was reading his mind, Mrs. Weasley said quietly, as though to herself only,  
  
"Poor Harry. Poor Ron. Poor world."  
  
"Yes, that's right," Ron said as he left the now almost abandoned kitchen, "Poor Harry. Poor us." With that, Ron went up to his room to spend another day wondering over, as every Weasley member was, what the future would hold, and if they would be prepared for it.  
  
  
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( A/N-Well, should I stop it there? Nah, you guys need a something more than that! How about a little Harry in your life?)  
  
  
It was also breakfast time at the Dursleys', although the atmosphere was a bit different. Dudley sat gnawing on his celery and orange, Vernon hid behind the paper, Petunia nibbled at her food while trying indiscreetly to figure out who was visiting the next door neighbor's. And Harry Potter was sitting at the corner of the table, chewing on his half-celery stick methodically, never lifting his eyes from the table.   
  
This worried Vernon to no end. Who knew what plots were being hatched inside that little demon's head? The boy had been unusually quiet this summer, and his eyes held a well- er, haunted look. He just agreed to all the chores and work imposed on him, never saying a sarcastic remark or retaliation. Ah, well. Who cared what was wrong with the boy? As long as he did his work, and made no trouble, they would put up with him. Why, Vernon, reflected, he didn't even need to lock the door to his room at night now...maybe this new Harry was a good thing.  
  
Harry, for his part, figured that Vernon was trying to figure him out whilst hiding behind the morning paper. He couldn't care less. The work the Dursleys' gave him kept his mind on other things, and thinking about other things was at the top of his list right now. No mater how hard he tried, he couldn't keep the memories of the third task out of his mind. Voldemort's voice...Cedric's voice...and, oh, God, his parent's voices. But almost worse than the voices was the blame. That horrible, sinking feeling that was becoming more and more strong. That voice that hissed,   
  
"It's all your fault...you asked him to take the cup, you made him go with you, and brought him to his death, you fool..."  
  
Harry tried desperately to ignore the voice, to brush it away. But he couldn't. It was always there, was becoming a part of himself. Maybe if he told someone else, got the memories off his chest... but, no. He just couldn't bear more pitying looks, more hushed voices behind his back. He just wanted to be normal, to be another kid. But that was not to be. He would never be just another kid and he had to accept it. That was just the way it was.  
  
Thank God for Sirius. Sirius was what kept him going when things became bad, when the voices were loudest. Even Sirius, though, was always reassuring, 'it wasn't your fault Harry, it wasn't your fault...'  
  
Why couldn't someone say something other than that? Why couldn't someone say, 'What's done is done. You can't dwell on it.' He needed to hear those words. When it came down to it, he needed his friends. He needed magic, witches and wizards. He needed Ron, the Weasleys', Hermione, Sirius. He knew he was hurting them by refusing to tell them what happened, by lying through his teeth in all of his letters. But he hoped they would understand. Hoped they would give him a chance to lick his wounds, to control himself. He hoped that, when he was finally ready to talk, they would be there for him. He hoped.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*  
Whew! That took me a while. I tried to express Harry's feelings a little more clearly this time. And I always wanted to show what Ron thought about everything...I hope it was realistic. I may or may not give a Hermione part, I think that the relationship between Harry and Ron is much more important to build upon. And there will definitely be some Sirius-Harry interaction later! I have a great conversation between rolling around in my head right now!  
  
Since it's summer, my updates should be pretty frequent. At least one every two days, I hope, and probable more!  
  
Yay, I got reviews! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I was mentally preparing myself for there to be none. The more reviews I get, the more motivated I become. Please be critical and suggest things! Thank you to my very first three reviewers:  
  
WhetherRose- aw...*blushes shyly*. I am glad you like it. I love that quote, it is actually a prayer. I thought it was perfect, and I will work it into the story. I will definetly e-mail you! Thanks for your interest!  
  
GMTH- no way am I stopping anytime soon! This will be a chaptered story, and I hope you enjoy the rest of it! I tried to get more Harry thoughts in there for you...hope you liked!  
  
googleduckie- Thank you! I am trying to make this seem semi-realistic to the book. I hope I am pulling it off!  
  
Thanks, everyone! Review, please! Love you all  
Balizabeth 


	3. Mutual Guilt and a Plan

The Wisdom to Know the Difference  
  
  
  
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  
The courage to change the things I can,  
And the wisdom to know the difference  
  
************************************************************************  
  
  
  
  
Per Dumbledore's orders, Sirius Black was "laying low" at Remus Lupin's house. He had alerted the old crowd, and ensured that everyone who counted knew of Voldemort's rebirth.  
  
Voldemort's rebirth... the words echoed inside him and caused him to shudder. Voldemort, the one who killed Lily and James...Voldemort, cause of terror on Earth for years...Voldemort, Peter Pettigrew's master...   
  
As the list went on Sirius grew more and more bitter, and his heart gave a twist as he thought, "Voldemort, who kidnapped Harry and tortured him, Voldemort, who made Harry an orphan, Voldemort..."  
  
That was the hardest to accept. After everything he had already done to him, Voldemort kidnapped Harry, forced Harry to duel against him, had him stabbed and tortured. Voldemort was the reason that Sirius was in Azkaban, the reason Sirius was never there for Harry.  
  
Harry. At the thought of his godson, Sirius sighed, the noise coming out like a choked sob. Harry didn't deserve this. After everything that had happened to him during the tournament, the last thing Harry needed was to be shipped off to those horrid relatives of his. Harry needed someone to talk to, someone to listen to him, someone to comfort him. He needed someone who cared. And God knows he had none of those things living with his relatives.  
  
Sirius wished he knew how Harry was doing. Sure, he got owls from him, but those letters had become more and more troublesome in what they left unsaid. Sirius knew that Harry was not okay, so why did Harry insist he was doing fine in his owls? He had been alone so long that he has become far too self-sufficient and dependent. He needed to know that it was okay to be scared, or sad. But he didn't. Because of Peter Pettigrew and because of Voldemort. And because of himself, Sirius.  
  
"God, I am so sorry, James," Sirius whispered to the night, "I screwed everything up, didn't I? You sure made a mistake when you made me godfather. I have done all the wrong things since I told you to switch secret keepers. How can one man mess up his life and everyone else's so badly?"  
  
"Sirius?" At the voice Sirius jumped. He hadn't thought anyone was there.  
  
"Remus. You scared me. Don't do that, please!" Sirius breathed out in relief. He was so jumpy these days.  
  
"I'm sorry, Sirius, I heard you talking. Are you okay?" Remus sat down on the couch next to Black and studied his face anxiously. He was very worried about his friend. Hell, he was worried about the whole bloody world lately.  
  
"I could ask you the same thing", Sirius thought to himself. Life had been hard on Remus, there was no denying it. He had needed James and Sirius and they had left him. Sirius didn't even want to think about what all those years alone were like for him. Out loud, he said,  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine. I was just thinking out loud, is all."   
  
"Sirius. I heard you. You can not blame yourself for everything that has just happened, or anything that happened long ago. You are not at fault. You are human, and if you want to blame yourself for something, try blaming yourself for that God-awful dinner you tried to make last night." Sirius grinned at Remus' attempt to lighten the mood.  
  
"All right, so I am not a chef. It was only burned a little." Remus raised an eyebrow at this but said nothing. Sirius sighed,  
  
"I have just been thinking about Harry. I just know that he blames himself for what happened. He is so sensitive and takes the world on his shoulders! I need to see him, Remus. I have to talk to him. He needs me. And, like always, I am not there when he needs me the most." Lupin became very exasperated. Didn't Sirius realize that Harry was doing the very same thing that he was? Blaming himself when the situation was out of his control?  
  
"Sirius, you bloody idiot, open your eyes! Yes, Harry is blaming himself, and yes, he needs you! And you can't be there for him at this moment. But that - is- not- your-fault, do you understand me? You are blaming yourself for everything, and so is he! Stop wallowing in your self-pity and realize that you are doing the same thing he is! How do you truly expect to help him if you can't help yourself? Lily and James died almost fifteen years ago, and, as much as it pains me to say it, you need to move on! James would say the same thing if he was here, and you know it! Yes, you made a mistake. That only makes you human! You need to start seeing things realistically, and then maybe you can start on helping your godson when he needs you!" Remus snapped his mouth shut. He had been waiting to say these things for a very long time. He just wasn't sure how Sirius would take it.  
  
Sirius' expressions were almost comical to watch. He went from shock, to anger, to sadness, and finally, finally, to acceptance and determination.  
  
"Are you quite through now, Remus?" Not waiting for an answer, and seeing the half-sheepish, half frustrated look on Lupin's face, he continued, "You're right. I know you're right. Now, the most important thing is Harry. I need to see him, Remus. He needs me. We need a plan."  
  
"Sirius, you know full well that Dumbledore will not let you into the Dursley's house. With all of the wards and protections around there, the Ministry would be swarming the place before you got half a foot inside."  
  
Refusing to admit defeat where seeing his godson was concerned, Sirius pressed on: "Well, isn't it possible that I see him away from his house? Somewhere that isn't the Dursley's but is still safe? And someone who knows about me?"  
  
"Sirius, honestly, who do you think that might be? One of the Dursley's benevolent neighbors, perhaps? I want to help you, really I do, but I just can't see a way for you to visit him. There is really no one around who can provide the protection needed-" Remus broke off abruptly, and looked at Sirius. He could tell he was thinking the same thing.  
  
"Arabella," they both breathed out at the same time. "Arabella Figg."  
  
Remus turned around, and threw a handful of powder into the fireplace where a fire was roaring merrily.   
  
"Dumbledore," he called out, "may I have a word?" The kindly old face of Albus Dumbledore appeared in the fireplace, smiling warmly at both Remus and Sirius.  
  
"Yes, of course Remus, what can I do?"  
  
"We need your approval for this plan of ours..."  
  
Several minutes later, after everything had been explained and hashed out, Dumbledore gave his approval.  
  
"Though I warn you, Sirius, this visit must be brief. We risk a lot by doing this. If I weren't aware of how much Harry was in need of talking to someone, I would never have even considered it. Be safe. As a mutual acquaintance of ours might say, 'constant vigilance!' And, before I forget, I have begun preparation for protection around the Weasley's home. If all go well, Harry should be able to spend a few days there before term starts. I will contact Arabella now, I am sure she will have no problems. Goodbye, Sirius, Remus, and remember- be careful."  
  
  
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Well! I certainly am keeping these chapters updated! I hope I am not spoiling you, you won't always have it this good!   
  
How about that? A little Sirius angst for you? I have to admit I do like angst, especially Sirius-Harry. I tried to keep it realistic, it was really hard for me to do. Sirius is much more developed in fanfiction than he is with J.K.R, and there are not any scenes with Just Sirius and someone else, excepting Harry. Which is tough, because I love Sirius!  
  
I am afraid that the whole Arabella Figg thing was just too predictable, but I didn't know whom else Harry could visit. Don't worry, Harry will let the Weasley's know what happened, just give him some time! I don't plan on letting this fic run into Harry's school year, so it will be fairly short. I am thinking maybe three more chapters, possibly four.  
  
So, what did you think? Should I start ducking from the rotten vegetables yet? Remember, review, review, review! You will make me the happiest girl in the world...  
  
Balizabeth 


	4. If Only

The Wisdom to Know the Difference  
  
  
  
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  
The courage to change the things I can,  
And the wisdom to know the difference  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*Balizabeth steps out of shadows onto stage, and taps microphone. Is this thing on? Okay, here we go...*  
All right people, here we go: the chapter you've all been waiting for (I think). That is, if you've been waiting for Harry to talk to the Wesley's, this is NOT the chapter. If you've been waiting for a Sirius-Harry encounter, then you're in luck, because that's what you're getting. I honestly have no idea how long this chapter is going to be. There will be an author's note at the bottom, thanking all of my (six) reviewers. Heh, I don't want to sound demanding or anything, but maybe if I got into the double digits, the Weasley-Harry chapter might come a bit quicker. Or maybe I'm updating too fast...hmmm...is that it? Should I stop updating for a while? Hahaha, you've been warned.  
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Once again, it was breakfast time at the Dursley household. The scene was much like it was a few days earlier...Dudley chomping on his meager breakfast, and trying to decide when the right time would be to steal Harry's, Petunia spying on her neighbors, and Vernon hiding behind a newspaper, his mind clearly on something else. Last came Harry, quiet as usual, slowly finishing his fruit before Dudley could lunge at it. Finally, the tense silence was broken as Vernon cleared his throat roughly, folding the newspaper as he did so.  
  
"You, boy," he said, sneering at Harry. For his part, Harry looked up at his uncle and stopped eating. His uncle continued in what was an obviously planned speech, "I have decided-er, well, your aunt and I have decided- that you have been spending far too much time lazing about. You need to do more work, earn your keep, you see."  
  
Harry knew that he had been working hard at whatever Vernon had told him to do this break, but he just didn't want to argue. He viewed talking to his relatives as wasted breath. Besides, more work might be interesting. It didn't sound as if Vernon was planning a regular run-of-the-mill dusting chore. He patiently waited for his uncle to continue.  
  
"That's why, you see, when Mrs. Figg asked if you might be available to help her with some housecleaning today, I said that you would be more than happy to. Actually, it comes as a rather lucky break, seeing as how Petunia and Dudders and I are going out for the day. Dudley has lost one pound, and we decided to celebrate by taking him somewhere nice. We were going to leave you here, but Heaven knows what we would find when we got back. So, you will spend the day with the old woman, and you best do everything she says or there will be trouble when you get back, you hear?"  
  
Harry nodded, still silent. A day with Mrs. Figg! At least he would be cleaning and there would be no chance to look at old cat pictures. Anything was better than the Dursley's.  
  
"When am I going, then?" Harry asked trying to sound bored. If he sounded like he was actually interested, then Vernon would start to get suspicious.  
  
"As soon as you're done breakfast, so get moving! And be sure to wear some old clothes, no doubt she'll have you on and knee cleaning all day." As for that, Harry had to suppress a bitter laugh. What did he have but old clothes? Everything he owned was a castoff from Dudley, and thus far too large. And he didn't think it would be the smartest thing to wear his cloak and Hogwarts things to Mrs. Figg's. That would certainly raise quite a few questions. He quickly got up, cleaned his plate, and ran upstairs to put on a pair of jeans and a shirt. He then dashed out the door, calling,  
  
"I'm going, then. Have a nice day out," And ran across the street to Mrs. Figg's house. When he got to the door, he rang the bell, and mentally prepared himself for the smell of cats that would soon overpower him. Mrs. Figg answered the door, looking as disheveled as ever.  
  
"Hello, dear!" She said, smiling at him. Harry thought he detected something else in that smile, perhaps concern, or was it just his imagination? "I figured you would want to get right to work, just come this way..." She ushered Harry down the hall, and past a rather impressive mirror. As he walked by, he could have sworn he heard a voice say, "Do something about that hair!" He whipped around, about to question Mrs. Figg, when she said,   
  
"Sorry, dear, the house makes some awful strange noises sometimes, why, at night, I sometimes think I hear people talking!" Harry knew something very strange was going on. And idea began to form in his mind, as he thought back to the end of the term,  
  
"Sirius, go, alert Mundungus Fletcher, Arabella Figg, the old crowd. Lay low at Lupin's for bit..." Arabella FIGG, his mind screamed at him! She's a witch. Once again, he turned around with wide eyes, but they had already reached the room that desired cleaning. Mrs. Figg pushed him inside, saying,  
  
"Just start with the dusting, I'll check in on you later," and she retreated down the hall, closing the door firmly behind her. Was that a wand Harry saw sticking out of her pocket? Harry didn't have time to wonder, because he had just become very preoccupied with the fact that there was someone else in the room with him. The person grinned and said,  
  
"What? No hug? No warm welcome? What a way to greet your godfather!"  
  
It was Sirius Black.  
  
Harry was literally speechless. What could he say? Sirius was here! He had been looking forward to seeing Sirius, and he was here! Say something, say something! His mind creamed at him. Absurdly, he said the first thing that came to mind,  
  
"I KNEW she was a witch!" Oh, great, Harry. Just great. You see your godfather and all you can talk about is your quirky neighbor. Sirius smiled and said,  
  
"Arabella? Of course! She is here to protect you, after all. Now, no questions" He said quickly as Harry opened his mouth to proclaim his disbelief at the whole thing. "We aren't hear to talk about Arabella. How are you, Harry? How are you really?" The automatic response came out of Harry's mouth before he even thought of it,  
  
"I'm fine." Which was a lie and he knew it. He was sure Sirius knew it too, for why else would he be here?  
  
"Harry, I want the truth. It would worry me more if you weren't fine. You're not supposed to be fine. You're supposed to be hurting and worrying, but not fine."   
  
"You left out guilty," Harry said. As much as he didn't want to talk, he needed it at the same time. However much it hurt, maybe it would feel better later.  
  
"You have no reason to feel guilty, Harry," Sirius said firmly, as me sat on the bed and motioned Harry to do the same. "You are not to blame. It was out of your control."  
  
"How can you say that?" Harry demanded, and it hurt Sirius to hear the pain in his voice. "Voldemort has risen because of me! Cedric is dead because of me! Half the wizarding world is now terrified of me! Sirius, I should have done everything different! If I had known what was going to happen-"  
  
Sirius cut him off, "Knowing what might happen in the future can be the very thing that changes it. You had no way of knowing. It-was-not-your-fault," he enunciated slowly, realizing that he was echoing Remus' very words a few days earlier.  
  
"You don't understand, Sirius!" Harry cried out, the words rushing out of him, the words he had been wanting to say for so long, "If only I hadn't asked him to take the cup! If only he hadn't owed me, then he wouldn't have felt indebted, if only I had done worse in the tournament, then I wouldn't have been even with him at the maze, if only Voldemort wasn't hunting me, if only I could have been smart enough to see that the cup was a portkey-" He could feel tears gathering in his eyes as Sirius stopped him once again. He put his hands firmly on Harry's shoulders, and looked him in the eye,  
  
"I am going to tell you something Harry, if this his how you're going to talk. I want you to listen carefully, understand?" Harry nodded, taking deep breaths, trying to control himself. "If only I had known that something like this would happen. If only Dumbledore had caught on to Moody. If only you had been a little earlier or a little late getting to the cup, you could have been spared that torture. If only Pettigrew were here, you and I could live together. If only your parents had lived, you get have the life you deserve. If only..." Here, his voice broke, but he continued, "If only I had been a better friend to Lily and James. If only I had been a better godfather. If only I had been there when you needed me..." Sirius started to cry, holding his face in his hands. "Shall I keep counting, Harry? I can think up a thousand more. That's what Azkaban is like. All of the "if only's" roll around in your head, driving you crazy. That's what you're doing to yourself, Harry. You're creating your own Azkaban. Are you ready for one more? If only you would let me help you..."  
  
Here Harry started to cry, and he threw himself at Sirius, sobbing, saying, "It wasn't your fault. You weren't to blame, it wasn't your fault...."  
  
"I know", Sirius whispered, rubbing Harry's back, "And it's not your fault, either."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
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Whew! So, does that make you cry and turn away in disgust? I hope it's good. Review, review, review! I was afraid that the Arabella thing was bad, but I didn't want to detail it more. The important thing here is Sirius and Harry. So, we have a breakthrough! Let the Harry healing begin!   
  
BlueMoon- Aw, I love lillies! You are too nice. We'll see how long Harry gets to stay at the Weasley's, for safety reasons, it may not be possible to stay very long. But he will get there, don't worry!  
  
rainyday- Thanks. I worked hard on Ron's speech, I thought it was true to his character. Ron is such a good guy, isn't he? Thank you so much for you for saying it's lovely. It motivates me!  
  
Lily of the Valley- Hmmm, good in capital letters, that must really mean something! Thank you!  
  
Okay, everyone else- notice how few reviewers there are! )but thanks a bunch to those that did!) Please, a little more? Pleeeeeassse? It's that little button on your left....  
Ciao! Balizabeth 


	5. Acceptance and Comfort

The Wisdom to Know the Difference  
  
  
  
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  
The courage to change the things I can,  
And the wisdom to know the difference  
  
  
*  
Okay, this will most likely be a boring transitional chapter, but hey, they're necessary. We can't just have Harry appear at the Weasley house, no matter how much we want him to. I don't hold much hope for the quality for this chapter, but I will let you be the judge. This is going to pick up right where chapter four left off. There is also a conversation from The Fellowship of the Ring (you must read that trilogy, it changed my life!). I feel bad copying parts of it, but it fit so well! A cookie for anyone who can find it! Ready? Here we go!   
  
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Harry held on to Sirius for a long time. Sirius was his anchor, his hope. Maybe if he just held on to Sirius, everything would be okay. Sirius would protect him from everything. But deep down Harry knew he was just trying to delay the inevitable. He would have to face the world, a world that largely viewed him as unstable and still suspected him for Cedric's murder. A world full of Draco Malfoys and Minister Fudge's. But it was also a world that had his friends, Ron, Hermione, Dumbledore, Sirius, and all of the Weasleys. They would be there, they would help hold him up when he was weak. It would be hard, but the world is full of hard things. No matter how much he didn't want to do it, it had to be done.   
  
As soon as Harry accepted this, he felt a large part of his guilt melt away. But not all. Weeks of fear and doubt had left a deep vine of guilt and despair inside of him, but even with the top snapped off, the roots were deep. Only time and his friends would rid it entirely.  
  
Sirius spoke up, "I'm glad you're okay, Harry," with an intuitiveness unlike him. Harry knew that Sirius was glad he was okay not only physically, but also emotionally and mentally. For the most part. He didn't expect all wounds to be washed away immediately, and Harry would still have problems talking about that night with other people, even his closest friends. Sirius hoped that during his visit to the Weasleys, Harry would be able to share some of what had happened, and lighten his burden. Harry still had to face a scary world where Voldemort was back and hunting for him. The years ahead would be filled with fear, pain and doubt. But, if Sirius had anything to say about it, they would also have some happiness and pleasure. Harry deserved that more than anyone else he knew. Voicing part of what he was thinking, Harry said softly,  
  
"I wish we didn't have to live in a time like this. I wish all of this had never happened."  
  
"So do all who are alive during times like these. But it doesn't do us any good to wish that it hadn't happened. What counts is what we do with the time we have." The Harry whispered very softly, so quietly that Sirius almost didn't hear it,  
  
"Sometimes I am afraid I have much less time than most other people." In the silence that followed, Sirius could hear his heart break. He must choose his words carefully, because of the importance they had for the boy.  
  
"Harry. Oh, Harry don't ever say that. That is just what Voldemort wants you to think. Everyone is trying very had to keep you safe. I will protect you. Dumbledore will protect you. As long as you have us, you needn't fear." Sirius wanted so much to say, "I promise I won't let anything happen to you", but he knew the fatality of such promises. The last time he had said something like that had been to James... "I promise, James, it will be safe. Just switch Secret Keepers. You know I won't let anything happen to you..." Never again did Sirius promise something like that. He never would. It only led to false security and heartbreak. Harry looked up at Sirius and said,  
  
"Thank you." Very simple words, but Sirius knew that Harry meant them with all his heart.  
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For the rest of the day, Sirius and Harry talked about everything and nothing. They talked about Harry's parents, which was kind of painful in a happy way. They shared stories of pranks and Sirius childhood. The hours slipped away, and Mrs. Figg came in at one point with some lunch, and left again quickly. Harry wanted so much to question Sirius about her, but he that now was not the time. At dusk, Harry knew that it was time to go. Sirius led him to the door, and after an awkward moment, bent down in a fierce hug. Right before they pulled away, Sirius whispered in Harry's ear,  
  
"Owl me often, okay? I am at Remus'. And I think you might be able to visit the Weasley's for a few days at the end of summer..." With that he turned away abruptly and went back into house, hoping Harry didn't see his tears. Harry was left for a short walk alone back to Privet drive and just the memories of a day with his godfather.  
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Okay, I know it's short, but two updates in one day is pretty good. And next chapter will be the Weasley's! Yay! I didn't like this chapter very much, it was just trying to wrap a few things up... I don't think I got Sirius down very good, he seems a bit hard to believe...ugh...I will just hide now...  
  
Okay, I have a question. What on earth is a Harry Potter author fic? Can someone please tell me? I have no idea....  
  
Ariel- thank you, thank you! That is exactly what I am trying for! No deep plot or action, just a simple emotional analyzing (is that right?) fic. Ron's reaction is my favorite scene to...  
  
Mayleesa- thanks! I am trying to update fast. I hope I'm not spoiling you guys...  
  
Storyspindler- heh, good avice. *Balizabeth looks around nervously, trying to see if anyone realized how dense she was being...I think no one saw..whew* Thanks for the kindness!  
  
As for the rest of you rascals, *hehehe, I like that word* review! Come one, give Balizabeth some confidence! Love ya!  
  
Balizabeth 


	6. Confession and A Time to Mourn

The Wisdom to Know the Difference  
  
  
  
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  
The courage to change the things I can,  
And the wisdom to know the difference  
  
  
  
This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. It is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.  
-Winston Churchill  
  
  
  
  
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Woah! Threw a new quote in there! Did I catch you off guard? I love Winston Churchill quotes, and that one seemed to fit in perfectly with the whole Voldemort rising again thing. Did I impress you? No? Okay, I'll just stop babbling now...   
  
  
All right! I have had five chapters in, what, three days? That's pretty good, right? I know they may seem short, but I am still adapting to the whole conversion between word and HTML. What seems short for you is four pages of typed text for me! Sorry! This one will most likely be the longest.  
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Harry lay in his bed, wide-awake. Which was no different than usual, except for one small thing: he was actually starting to get tired. This was something that hadn't happened in weeks. He had a feeling that it had to do with his visit with Sirius today. He felt almost as though a huge burden had been lifted off of his shoulders. He never knew feeling normal could be so nice. With a few words, Sirius had erased nearly all of the doubt and grief that Harry had. However, the tournament was still hard for him to talk about. Since his visit with Sirius, Harry had been mentally steeling himself to talk to Ron and Hermione, if not all the Weasley's, about what had happened the night of the third task. Even now he wasn't sure if he would be able to do it. But he knew that eventually, it would happen.   
  
Harry had just received a letter from Dumbledore this evening, giving him his final permission to spend the last week of summer holiday with the Weasley's. The letter went over the new protection wards placed around the Burrow, reassuring Harry that he and the Weasley's would be safe for his weeklong visit. Dumbledore also mentioned that Mr. Weasley and Ron would be arriving at noon the next day to pick Harry up, using Floo Powder. Thankfully, the Dursley's had traded in their electric fire for a real-live one, and Floo Powder traveling should no longer hold any dangers. The Dursley's had given their permission for the visit surprisingly easily, but perhaps it was the thought of an abnormally quiet Harry out of their hair that helped them decide. In any case, at this time tomorrow, Harry would be at the Burrow, with a real family at last.  
  
His mind whirling with anticipation (and, yes, some nervousness) about his upcoming visit, Harry Potter finally fell asleep.  
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The Same Night,  
The Burrow  
  
  
"Now, I want all of you to listen to me," Mrs. Weasley said, looking sternly at her congregated family, focusing particularly hard on Fred and George, "Harry will be here at noon tomorrow, and we need to talk about a few things. First- you are NOT to question him about the tournament. He will tell us when he's ready. Secondly," now Mrs. Weasley turned full around, with her hands on her hips and glared at Fred and George. They eyed each nervously, but thought it best not to speak, "There are to be NO pranks played on Harry while he's here. That is the last thing he needs." The pranks at the Weasley household had increased dramatically over the summer. It seemed that the twins had come into a bit of a windfall, and everyone was highly suspicious of how they got that money. Ron thought he knew who it was, after receiving dress robes from the twins. But he knew that the last thing Harry needed was more attention. So he kept his ideas to himself, resolving to thank Harry later. "Lastly," Mrs. Weasley continued, looking at all her family members and holding their gazes for a moment, "Harry is family. We shall treat him as such. He needs us now more than he may know. If he wants to talk about You-Know- er, Voldemort, we will talk. The most important thing right now is for him to feel loved and comfortable. I don't think you will need reminding." The Weasleys all nodded. Molly felt comfortable that she wouldn't have any problems with them. "Now, why don't you all go to bed, we have a lot in store for us tomorrow."  
  
With surprising obedience, all of the children went up into their respective rooms. It took a long time before they all fell asleep.  
  
Ron woke up the next morning to hear his mother bustling around downstairs. His sleep-clogged mind took a few moments to remember that today was the day Harry was coming. His jumped out of bed in excitement, and hurriedly glanced around his room. Harry's bed was all set up, and his room was clean enough. He ran downstairs to see his mother cooking enough food to feed a small army. Mr. Weasley had already left for the Ministry, but would be back early to go with Ron to pick up Harry.  
  
"Morning, mum," he greeted, plopping down in a chair and serving himself some sausage and eggs, "So, you have enough food, then?" Mrs. Weasley barely glanced his way before turning back to her pot where she was stirring something, presumably soup.  
  
"Well, now, I don't know just how much Harry has been eating this summer. You know those dreadful relatives of his. He's probably near starving, and he needs fattening up, anyway. He's far too thin for his age, you know."  
  
"Yes, mum, I know." Ron had heard this speech more times than he could count this summer. But, he thought, reflecting back to his last visit to the Dursley household, she is right. Harry doesn't get anything proper while he's there. This visit will be good for him. Mrs. Weasley interrupted Ron's meditation,  
  
"Don't jus sit there, Ron! Go, wake up your brothers and sisters. They can lend a hand cleaning the place up. That garden needs de-gnoming again, and mind you do it properly this time. After you wake them, come back here and make yourself useful." Ron dashed back upstairs and woke his siblings. He felt a long morning was ahead of them.  
  
And indeed it was. The Weasley children spent the morning scrubbing, weeding, cleaning and watering.  
  
"Why can't she just do it herself with magic?" Groaned Fred as he hurled another gnome into the bushes. Ron nodded in agreement, but he thought that it was less that the chores needed doing than the fact that Mrs. Weasley wanted to keep her children occupied until Harry arrived.  
  
"Ron!" Mrs. Weasley called from inside the house, "Your father has just arrived. Come on in and clean up, or you'll be late fetching Harry!" Ron immediately dropped everything and sprinted inside the house. He was downstairs in record time, and joined his father at the fireplace. Mr. Weasley looked down at his son and said,   
  
"All ready then?" Ron nodded eagerly, and stepped towards the fire, but Mr. Weasley wasn't finished,  
"Er- are you sure that the fire is safe this time? No eckeltrikity, is there?"  
  
"No, dad," Ron reassured his father, "Harry owled me to say that everything was okay. His aunt and uncle put in a real fire." Relief smoothed Mr. Weasley's worried features.  
  
"Oh, good. Well, what are we waiting for? Number Four, Privet Drive!" Mr. Weasley shouted, and walked into the fire. Ron followed suit, and soon found himself in the living room of the Dursley's house.  
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A grinning Harry, who gave him a hand up off the floor, greeted him. How did I get there, wondered Ron. Never mind that, say something to him!  
  
"Harry!" Ron exclaimed, positively grinning from ear to ear. "How are you, mate?"  
  
"I'm doing as well as can be expected, spending quality time with Dursley's." Was it Ron's imagination, or did Harry's happy expression flicker just a little bit before turning back to normal? Ron studied Harry's face carefully. He seemed paler than usual, and there were dark circles underneath his eyes, hinting at long, sleepless night. Other than that, he looked not better or worse than when Ron had seen him last. Which, Ron thought, was neither a good or bad thing. Feeling that the silence had lasted too long, Ron searched frantically for something to say,  
  
"Speaking of them, where are they?" At this Harry gave a true smile and said,  
  
"Oh, they decided that they didn't want to be here when you guys showed up, for some reason." Ron could see his father's jaw tighten at this. Ron remembered last year, when his father had gotten upset at the Dursley's refusal to say goodbye to Harry. How would he react to this? Thankfully, Mr. Weasley said nothing, just turned to Harry and stated,  
  
"Well, it's good to see you. Have you got your things?" Harry nodded indicating to his trunk, already packed with everything he needed. "All right, let's head out, then!"  
  
Ron and Harry followed Mr. Weasley back into the fire, and back into the house which Harry secretly thought of his home. Thankfully, Harry did not fall on the return trip this time, and was greeted by five smiling, freckled faces- Mrs. Weasley, Ginny, Fred, George, and Charlie, (who was on a vacation from Romania). All was silent for a moment, then Mrs. Weasley rushed forward,  
  
"Oh, Harry, dear, it's so good to see you!" She enveloped Harry in a bone-crunching hug. This seemed to trigger a reaction from the remaining Weasleys, and they all surged forward to welcome Harry.  
  
"Good to see you mate!"  
  
"How ya been?"  
  
"How's ol' Dudley doing?"  
  
"Hello, Harry," this was from a very red-faced and shy Ginny. Last to come up was Charlie, who gave Harry a hearty handshake and said,  
  
"Good to see you again, Harry." Harry said all his hellos and then stepped back a little, trying to think of something to say.  
  
"Wow, Mrs. Weasley, what smells so good?" Very intelligent, a nasty voice inside his head whispered. These words sent Molly Weasley into a flurry.  
  
"Oh, dear, how rude of me! Come, come, everyone, sit down, its lunchtime!" She ushered everyone out to the backyard where a large picnic table with all the place settings was laden with delicious-looking food. For the next hour, everyone talked, ate, and laughed. It was just like old times Ron though. Harry was a bit quieter that usual, but other than that, everything was going fine. As they finished up, Ron turned to Harry, and stretching, said,  
  
"Game of quidditch?" Harry grinned and said,  
  
"I'll go get my Firebolt," and raced into the house to his trunk.  
  
Fred, George, Ron, and Harry played quidditch until night, when they came in to eat. Never had Harry felt so utterly exhausted and happy at the same time. He and Ron went up to bed at around ten o'clock and for the first time since school let out, Harry Potter fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.  
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Harry was doing well, Ron reflected as he stared up at his ceiling and listened to his best friend's deep, steady breathing. Sure, he hasn't mentioned anything about what happened, but he has been acting pretty normal otherwise. Maybe that visit with Sirius really helped him...Yes, Ron thought, as sleep overcame him, things seemed to be on the up-and-up.  
  
Several hours later, still in the middle of the night, a thrashing sound and a loud moaning awakened Ron. What's that? What's going on? Ron struggled t get awake. The sounds were becoming louder, and they were coming from his room. Oh, no! It's Harry! Ron leaped out of bed and hurried to his friends' side. Harry's cries were growing progressively louder, and Ron now could tell what he was saying.  
  
"No! No, please! No, Cedric!" Ron's heart leapt to his throat. Harry was dreaming of the third task. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley rushed into the room, followed closely by Fred and George.  
  
"What's going on? Who's yelling?" This was followed by a gasp, then, "Oh! What's wrong with Harry?!" Ron said,  
  
"He's having a nightmare. I think he's dreaming of the third task..." Everyone watched, horrorstruck, as Harry started thrashing, and then let out an animal-like scream. All of a sudden, he was quiet. Then he whispered something that made everyone's heart feel like it was about to break,  
  
"Mum? Dad?" Finally, Ron couldn't take it anymore. He bent over Harry and shook him roughly.   
  
"Harry! Harry! Come on, mate, come on, wake up! It's a dream! Harry, please, wake up!" Harry's eyes snapped open, and he looked around, disoriented. He fingers clutched the bed sheets so hard his knuckles were white, and he was breathing in short, staggered gasps. "Harry, you're at the Burrow. You're in my room, it's okay," Ron said, very softly, so as not to startle him. Everyone else was silent.  
  
"Ron? Oh, Merlin, it was so real...so real..." Harry's face was still white and drenched with sweat. Ron asked timidly,  
  
"Were you dreaming of...Voldemort? Of the third task?" Harry nodded, his mind still stuck back in his horrible dream. Then, when he realized what he had just admitted, he looked up at the people crowded around his bed. Should I tell them? If not now, then when? Harry took a deep breath, and before he lost his nerve, plunged ahead, his eyes fixed at a nondescript point on the wall. He began speaking in a flat tone,  
  
"Cedric and I got to the cup at the same time. We argued; I wanted him to take it, he wanted me to. Finally, I told him we would take the cup together. I convinced him that it was a good idea. 'It's a Hogwarts victory,' I said, 'We'll tie.' He agreed.   
  
"The cup was a portkey. It took up to a graveyard. Right after we got there, we heard someone coming...then, a voice. 'Kill the spare', it said. The spare. Cedric dropped right next to me." Molly made a movement as if to comfort Harry, then stopped. Harry continued in that same monotonous voice, "A Deatheater came out. Took me to a tombstone. Tied me to it with rope. It was Peter Pettigrew, Wormtail." At this there were two distinct gasps, from Fred and George, who did not yet know the truth about Sirius Black. Thankfully, they did not say anything. "Pettigrew took out a cauldron, made some potion. He took the bone of the father, the flesh of the servant, and...blood of the enemy." Here, Harry started to rub the crook of his arm, and then rolled up his sleeve to show them. The scar still stood out livid, none of Madam Pomfrey's healing potions could make it dissapear. When Harry said these words, Ron felt a surge of anger. Harry had been stabbed? They had taken his *blood*!  
  
Harry took one, great, shuddering breath, and continued. He outlined everything that had happened in precise detail. He talked of the Cruciatus curse with only the tiniest bit of pain in his voice. When he came to the part of the duel with Voldemort, and how he had seen Diggory and his parents, he buried his face in his hands. When he finished, telling them of how he grabbed Cedric's body and fled, the room was deathly quiet. No one knew what to say.   
  
Finally, Harry looked up at them, holding their eyes for a few moments. No one failed to miss the pain that was there. Then, Harry said in a voice so painfilled and tortured that it made Mrs. Weasley want to throw her arms around him,  
  
"So now you know."  
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There we are. I will have a long author's note at the beginning of next chapter, if you're looking for it. So, there it was. I feel like it's awful. I think I did it all wrong...ugh...I feel like I let you guys down. NOW it's time to throw the rotten food. I hope you guys liked it more than me!  
  
Balizabeth 


	7. The Windows to the Sould and Sound Advic...

The Wisdom to Know the Difference  
  
  
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  
The courage to change the things I can,  
And the wisdom to know the difference  
  
  
  
  
Wow! My reviews practically doubled in one night! I will have my long author's note at the end, and I also have a few things to explain, about where the story is going. This chapter is going to be the hardest yet for me, because it is almost pure emotions on every side. I hope I don't mess it up horribly...  
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These words finally got a reaction out of Mrs. Weasley. She put her arms around him and rocked, as Harry burst into huge, wracking sobs as his body shook. His response was much the same as it was in the hospital wing that night. To have someone put their arms around him, comfort him as though a mother would broke down the last resolve Harry had of not crying. Mrs. Weasley murmured soft, comforting words until at last Harry calmed down. The rest of the family looked on, not wanting to leave, as they were afraid that it would show that they were abandoning Harry, and not wanting to stay because they thought Harry might not ever forgive them if they saw him cry. Torn between the two choices, most of they looked away. Ron, however, stepped forward, and put a hand on Harry's shoulder. He started and stopped saying something before he finally got it out,  
  
"Harry...Harry, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Harry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Ron was now the one crying, tears streaming silently down his face as he repeatedly apologized for the hurt, the pain, the grief, the torture, everything that Harry had gone through. He wasn't just sorry that Cedric died and Harry had to see it, he was sorry that Harry had been tortured, that Harry had to see his long-dead parents, that Harry's parents had died in the first place, that Harry had been forced into this tournament, and Ron hadn't believed him. He was sorry that Harry had a miserable life and never complained, acted like a normal kid when he deserved so much more. He was sorry that he had kept Peter Pettigrew as his pet for so long, and he was sorry that he couldn't have been there for his friend.  
  
Now, it was Harry who was comforting Ron, Harry who was soothing him.  
  
"It's okay Ron. It's okay. You couldn't have helped. You didn't fail me, you have never failed me. Ron," he said, looking at Ron firmly in the eye, "it is okay." With those words Ron wondered what he ever did to deserve a friend like Harry. Someone gave him food when he was hungry, someone who forgave him when he did something unforgivable, someone who helped him heal when he himself was wounded. Someone who comforted him when he himself was so torn up on the inside. Harry, who gave his twin brothers a thousand galleons, and only asked one thing: that his best friend might have some nice dress robes. Ron couldn't have asked for a better friend.  
  
While Ron was crying and apologizing to him, Harry was wondering what he did to deserve a friend like Ron. Ron was the first true friend Harry had ever had. He had been kind to him was he was realistically nothing more than a Muggle. He had ignored the scar and learned about the boy behind it. He stuck to Harry no matter what happened, and forgave when he said things he shouldn't. Ron, who, even when they were ignoring each other, come down into the Common Room to check on Harry who wasn't yet in bed. Harry couldn't have asked for a better friend.  
  
"You know," Harry said, looking up at the people still around his bed, "I blamed myself for what happened to Cedric. I still do, a little. I could have changed so many things that night, if only I had known..." Surprisingly, it was George, who spoke up at this,  
  
"Harry, there are some things you can change, There are also things you can't. You could not have changed what happened to Cedric. You had no way of knowing. There are always things we can change, as there always are things we can't. The hard part if knowing the difference." At this, Fred started to speak, very softly,  
  
"There's an old Muggle prayer, you know. I hear it once, and I never forgot it-  
  
'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  
The courage to change the things I can,   
And the wisdom to know the difference.'  
  
"Harry, mate, Merlin knows you got courage. You need to learn how to accept the things you will never be able to change. As for the wisdom part, most people never learn that. Me and George, for example," he added, grinning, "but I reckon you are a little closer than a lot of other people." Ron and Mrs. Weasley looked at the twins, stunned that they not only knew a *prayer*, but at the depth of what they had just said. It was then that they realized the mistake they had made in thinking that the boys were pranksters and nothing more. Through the simple and yet so large act of comforting a friend, Fred and George Weasley earned quite a bit of respect.  
  
After they had spoken, Harry nodded to himself.  
  
"Yeah," he said, "you guys are right." He looked up at the twins grinning. The old Harry of a year before came shining through. "And please, don't give me a reason to say that again." The room burst into laughter, and this time it was not strained. It was a release of tension, and a realization that things had just changed for the better. "Why don't we all go to sleep, then?" Harry asked, for weariness was beginning to show in everyone's eyes again. There were several murmurs of agreement, and slowly, the room emptied. Mrs. Weasley lingered, her arm on Harry's shoulder. She looked into his eyes, and saw then everything she needed to know.   
  
Harry was hurting. But it was getting better. It would be unfair of them to expect that Harry would be fine just because he told everyone what had happened. It is human to take time to heal. Just like the wound on his arm, the scars from that night would not be washed away with a magic healing potion, no matter how much they wished it would happen. It's amazing how much you can tell about a person by looking into their eyes, she thought as she padded down the hall into her room. They really are the windows to the soul.  
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Ron lay awake, reflecting on the enormity of what Harry had just done. It must have taken nerves of steel to re-live what had happened to him, and he did it in front of a veritable audience. Ron knew that in Harry's eyes, when he told someone something personal about himself, that he ran the risk of more whispers and points behind his back. Harry despised his celebrity status, although now the wizarding public was more and more fearing him. Ron was sometimes jealous of all the attention Harry got, but that was just because it meant he got pushed to one side. He would never want to be in Harry's place. No matter how much he was ignored, he always had it better than Harry. Ron knew that he had a family that loved him, and had a home where he was welcome to come to at Christmas. Harry didn't even have that. From now on, Ron vowed silently, he would try to make up for it.  
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Ick. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Sorry for the butchering of emotions, folks. I just don't know what to say. I'll just move on to my thank-yous...please, review! I have 18 so far...let's take it up a notch.  
  
A big hug and kiss (if you're comfortable with that) for those who did review-  
  
Whether Rose- I am very flattered! Wow, sneaking away to read my fic...you're so nice. I know I have been updating fast, but the chapters aren't that long.  
  
Jelsemium- Thanks! I love writing Weasley-Harry interaction! I know, I know my chapters are short...*runs away and hides* but in Word they are like four pages long! I am not used to the conversion yet. Sorry!  
  
JaimeyKay- well, here's the deal with Hermione- I have no idea what to do with her! I don't know when she should come in, and if Harry should go through the whole re-telling things again so soon. Plus...er...well, I am not a true Hermione fan. *ack! sorry! I just can't warm up to her! Balizabeth runs away, ducking from rotten food being thrown at her*. I am trying to keep this realistic, so she'll be around if I can manage it. Thank you!  
  
MoonyWolf- speechless is a good thing, right? Hahaha, you are too nice. I am glad it fits in with what you pictured. You know what they sat, great mind think alike...so, how do I fit into that?  
  
Underneath Society- wow! I just don't know what to say...er- thanks?  
  
Patrick- thank you!  
  
  
  
Allright, I stayed up a bit too late partying last night, so I am going to go rest. Review, please! Love ya!  
  
Balizabeth 


	8. Recovery and Unwanted Confrontations

The Wisdom to Know the Difference  
  
  
  
  
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  
The courage to change the things I can,  
And the wisdom to know the difference  
  
  
  
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Okay, people, on with the show! I am not sure how much longer this fic may last, possibly for only one more chapter. We'll see. Thanks to my reviewers, especially WetherRose, who has been faithfully reviewing every chapter! *Balizabeth blows a big kiss to WhetherRose*. Heh...sorry if I seem a bit immature. I spend my whole day around two year olds, so I kind of regress throughout the day.  
  
Anyway, what I want to explore in this chapter is how Harry and the Weasleys will interact now that they know the whole story. Also, Harry will go into the "public"- hehehe, angry and angsty emotiong galore! Yay!  
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Harry awoke the next morning with a strange feeling of utter peace. For a moment, he didn't understand it. Then he remembered- Last night, he had told the Weasley's about the third task. He remembered the gasps. He remembered Ron's tears, Ron's apologies. He remembered Mrs. Weasley's warm hand on his shoulder, and those eyes looking at him, looking into him, and how they saw everything. In that moment she had reminded him of Dumbledore, whose eyes saw everything.  
  
At first Harry felt shame- now they would all be gently with him, as to not upset him. 'Poor Harry', they would think, 'he has been through so much. We must treat him with care.' Last night, Harry had bared his soul to them. That was something he rarely did. Before, only Dumbledore and Sirius knew what had happened, had heard it from his own mouth. Now, all of the Weasley's knew.  
  
Harry's world was ruled by survival. He had spent twelve years surviving with the Dursley's, and he had learned one very, very important thing: never let them see the inside of you. If you let them know how you feel, who they are, they will exploit it and use it against you. At and early age, he had learned that the world had claws and it could scratch you and rip you at anytime. The way to avoid it was to keep everything inside, and then you were safe.  
  
But then, everything Harry knew changed. He went to Hogwarts. He entered a world where people cared about him. He met friends. And he learned that everything he thought he knew about surviving was wrong. If he continued blocking out the world, he would destroy himself. He needed to let people in, to let them know who he was, what he was afraid of. He needed to ask for and accept help. That was how a relationship worked. He needed to show himself, and know that it was human to hurt and fear. But his time in the wizarding world could not take back the poison the Dursley's had set in him.  
  
Last year, Rita Skeeter had exposed him in such a cruel way. She had twisted his words and made adults pity him and his peers tease him. She had eventually made him something to be feared and not trusted. And he would have to face that as soon as he entered back into the wizarding public.  
  
But now, since had told the Weasley's, he had allies. He had strength. They would help him. He knew that they would not use his emotions against him, and for that he was grateful. All in all, it was for the best that they knew. Harry got up out of bed and headed downstairs, prepared to face a day where people had seen his pain.  
*******************************************************************  
  
  
Breakfast was not the awkward thing Harry had expected it to be. When he walked in the room, almost everyone was already seated, devouring their food with a healthy vigor. Mrs. Weasley said,  
  
"Good morning, Harry, dear," and slid some strips of bacon and some pancakes onto his plate. Harry felt a surge of relief. There were no loud questions, no concerned inquires to how he was feeling. They all knew that that was the last thing Harry wanted. They knew that if Harry broached the subject, then they would talk. Otherwise, it was a normal day. Harry smiled to himself as he thought that Mrs. Weasley had probably given the family a strict talking to before his arrival at the table. As the family finished up breakfast, Ron stood up and went outside, motioning Harry to follow him. A bit confused, Harry did so.  
  
Ron and Harry walked to a tree and sat down in the shade. Ron looked over at Harry and said,  
  
"Mum wanted me to ask you if you wanted to go to Diagon Alley with us today. You know, to get all your stuff. Our owls arrived this morning, but you were asleep."  
  
When Harry heard this, he felt a brief moment of panic. Diagon Alley...there would be so many people there. His classmates from Hogwarts, especially. Everyone would be staring, wondering about Cedric, wondering if all the Daily Prophet articles had been true. Was he ready to face that?   
  
Harry's mind went back to a nightmare that he had had before he came to The Burrow. He had been standing in the middle of Diagon Alley, while people walked past him with their eyes averted. He heard them whispering, he could feel their stares penetrate him. But no one said a word to his face. Finally, a woman emerged from the crowd, and called out to Harry, while everyone else shrank away from them,  
  
"Harry Potter! I see you Potter! You can't hide! I see you! You murderer! You killer! You killed my Cedric, you let him die! I condemn, you Harry Potter! I condemn you, murderer, I condemn you!"  
  
In his dream, Harry could only stare at her, all words lodged in his throat, while everyone else in the crowd now looked up at him, pure hate in their eyes...  
  
  
"Harry? Harry? What do you say? Do you want to go?" Ron's worried voice snapped Harry back to the present. "Because if you don't, that's okay, Mum can get our stuff and we can just wait her, and play Quidditch or something..." Ron trailed off, uncertain on how Harry would react to an invitation back into the Wizarding world.  
  
Now or never, Harry thought. You have to do it sometime. Besides, Ron will be there. Before he could change his mind, Harry swallowed and said, a bit unsteadily,   
  
"Sure, Ron. I'll go. I wouldn't want to end up with maroon dress robes, now, would I?" Ron blushed at this, and opened his mouth,   
  
"Harry, I never got to thank you for the galleons you gave Fred and-"   
  
"Ron," Harry cut him off firmly, "You don't have to thank me. The money is where it can do much more good. And I should thank you, for asking me if I wanted to go to Diagon Alley out here, instead of in front of everyone." Harry and Ron met each other's eyes.   
  
Neither of the boys was particularly good with words, but at that moment, they didn't need to be. They could read it in each other's eyes. 'Don't mention it,' they said. 'It's just what friends do.' Both Harry and Ron knew that they would be there for each other.  
********************************************  
  
Ron, Harry, and Mrs. Weasley stood clustered around the fireplace.  
  
"All right boys, got your lists?" Both Harry and Ron nodded, and Mrs. Weasley said,  
  
"Right, then. I've got Ginny's. We'll be traveling by the Floo, so Ron why don't you go first, then Harry, then me. Ready? Off we go, then."  
  
Next thing they knew they were in Diagon Alley. Harry looked around, transfixed. He had forgotten how wonderful this place could be...  
  
'Okay, let's get the money first," Molly Weasley interrupted Harry's thoughts as she hustled them along until they got to Gringotts. So far, Harry had seen no one he knew, which was a relief. Then, a cold voice drawled out,  
  
"So, Potter, not afraid to show your face again? I have to admit I'm surprised. I'd have thought you had more sense than to go displaying yourself after what happened...but then, you really don't have much sense, do you?" Draco Malfoy sneered up into Harry's face.  
  
Harry froze, as anger began to boil in his veins. But before he could say anything, Ron interrupted,  
  
"Why don't you run along Malfoy, and pick on someone you can actually beat. But then again, you'll be looking for an awfully long time, so why don't you just scamper off, or whatever it is you ferrets do." Malfoy's cheeks tinged a bit and he glared at Ron with a coldness that was a little frightening. But Ron had had enough. No more would he let this jerk bother him, or Harry. After what had happened, Harry just did not need to deal with Malfoy.   
  
Draco then directed his attention to Harry again and said bitingly,  
  
"Weasley still fighting your battles? You always have people fighting for you, don't you, Potter? Weasley, Granger.... and, of course, we can't forget Diggory. You let him die for you didn't you Harry? Well, now a lot more will die, thanks to y-" Harry drew in a sharp breath. He would not take this, he could not take this. But before he had a chance to retaliate, Ron rushed forward. He grabbed Malfoy by the front of the robes and pushed him against a wall, with strength that surprised even him. Draco's feet dangled a few inches off of the ground as he stared at Ron in shock and fury.   
  
Ron was almost shaking with anger. He looked at Draco and hissed so no one else could hear,   
  
"You had best stop there, Malfoy. I don't fancy having to clean you up off the sidewalk if you keep up this talk. Walk away now, while you still have the choice." Ron roughly dropped Malfoy, and he sat there, rubbing his throat. He breathed in and out heavily several times, and then sauntered away, but not before calling,  
  
"Weasley won't always be there, Potter..."  
  
  
Harry turned to Ron in astonishment.   
  
"Ron, you shouldn't have done that..." Ron just shook his head.  
  
"No more, Harry. I will not listen to him anymore. Now, let's go get our gold."  
  
Harry followed Ron, wishing Ron hadn't done that not for Harry's sake, but for his. One couldn't go around threatening a Malfoy. Harry couldn't think of one good thing that could come of this.  
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Whew! I always wanted to put in a Ron/Harry/Draco fight scene, and I just did. I hope it was okay. This chapter seemed a bit redundant, but I am just trying to tie things up.   
  
We finally got to see Ron at his most protective. He will not let anyone hurt Harry now. He views that he couldn't control how Harry got hurt at the third task, but he can control things like Draco Malfoy. At least, that's how I see it. Now, my thanks for all my awesome reviewers. Please, if you haven't already, do! Let me know what you think!  
  
  
WhetherRose- you are too awesome. As soon as I have a chance, I would love to review your story. I am glad you think my opinion is worth something. You are way too kind in your reviews.   
I like Sirius's "if only" speech, too. It was fun to write. Well, not fun. because its sad, but well, you know...er...I'll leave now...thanks a bunch!  
  
Liley Dust- Yay, you spotted my LOTR saying! I love that part in the book and movie...hey, I just love LOTR!  
  
rainyday- tsk, tsk- reading fanfic at work! Actually, I am very flattered. I am glad you enjoy it so much. Thanks for your Hermione advice. I don't think she will make much of an appearance, after all. Actually, I didn't know that they say that prayer at AA meetings. Good to know. I like to think I am queen of quotes and philosophies. You are too sweet. Thanks for the long review!  
  
  
JaimeyKay- thanks for your advice. I have some thinking to do about how this will end...I am as in the dark as the rest of you! Thanks for the review...I do like this plot, I must admit.  
  
TheStek- what can I say but thanks, thanks, thanks!  
  
Sara- I consider it an ultimate accomplishment when I can make a reader cry. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Moonywolf- Glad you like it!  
  
  
If I forgot anyone, just send me an angry e-mail and I will make it up to you! Thanks for reviewing, and keep it up!  
  
Love ya!  
  
Balizabeth 


	9. True Friendship and The Beginning

The Wisdom to Know the Difference  
  
  
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,  
The courage to change the things I can,  
And the wisdom to know the difference  
  
  
  
Finally! An update! There will be a nice explanation for that later. Anyway, here is the end! Enjoy...  
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"Checkmate."  
  
Harry sighed in defeat. Yet another game lost to Ron. He should know better.  
  
"I must be a glutton for punishment," Harry said, mock-glaring at Ron over the chessboard. "You have never failed to beat me in a chess game. I'm beginning to think you only play against me for a morale-boost." Ron grinned at his friend, happy to see what he was beginning to think of as the "old Harry" back. Rising to the bait, he said,  
  
"Well, I am not going to deny any of that. Chess just happens to be my forte."   
  
"Ooooohhh, French word. I'm impressed. Have you been studying with a certain Fleur Delacour? Or maybe studying isn't the right word..." Harry said, referring to last year when Ron had been somewhat enamored with a bewitching French witch. Ron threw a pillow at Harry, pretending to be angry, but laughing all the same.  
  
"Oy, watch it, you. Hermione wouldn't be happy hearing you talk about her. Although I bet she and Krum are getting pretty well acquainted right now." Harry shook his head, grinning. He decided to let Ron in on something that Hermione had told him before he came to the Weasley's.  
  
"Nah, Ron, she owled me a few weeks ago and said she decided that it would be 'too awkward.' She didn't want me telling you, though. I think she wanted you to suffer. I just took pity on you. I can't stand seeing you so oblivious..." It was as clear as day to Harry that Ron and Hermione were meant for each other, but they both seemed not to realize it. If anything, their little squabbles they had had last year proved their feelings. 'Poor Hermione,' Harry though to himself amusedly, 'Ron can be a bit...daft sometimes. She's going to have a rough time...'   
  
"What do you mean, oblivious?" Ron demanded his tone a little more suspicious. Harry just shook his head with a small smile on his face that irritated Ron even more.  
  
"Fine, then. You don't want to tell me, I'll just find out myself." Ron pretended to pout, which made Harry burst into laughter. Unsurprisingly, a vicious pillow fight ensued. Thankfully, all of the other Weasley's were out of the house, so they could battle uninterrupted.  
  
Finally, both exhausted, they dropped onto the couch. They sat in silence for a few moments, just relaxing. Then, Harry spoke up.  
  
"Ron, I was meaning to ask you- it's about Hermione-" Ron could tell Harry was serious from his tone of voice.  
  
"Yeah, what about her?" He encouraged gently, knowing that Harry both wanted and didn't want to say this at the same time.  
  
"Well, you see- well, I was wondering if you could tell her." Here, Harry paused, trying to collect his thought and phrase what he was trying to say. Ron looked confused for a moment, and the clarity shone through on his face.  
  
"Oh, you mean- tell her about-" Harry broke in, finishing his sentence for him,  
  
"Tell her about the Tournament. About what happened. I want her to know. She *deserves* to know, I just- I just don't think I can tell her so soon after telling you. It still hurts. Every time I talk about it, I have to re-live it all over again. I'm just not ready to do that again so soon. I mean, I care a lot about Hermione, she's a great friend, I just want you to be the one to tell her. That is, if you don't mind-"   
  
"Harry," Ron interrupted, "I know what you're going to say. No, I don't mind. If it would help you, if it would make you feel better, of course I would do it. In fact, I would have told her myself a while ago, I just wanted to wait for you to ask me. It'd kinda be like invading your privacy if I didn't. So, I'll tell her. Don't worry about it."  
  
At these words, Harry felt a rush of relief. 'Thank God for Ron,' he thought to himself. 'He makes things so much easier. Besides, if there were one good thing that could come from this, perhaps it would draw Ron and Hermione closer. They'll need each other. Especially now. A war is coming, and we have no idea what could happen...' Harry broke off this train of thought. It would do him no good, and possibly a great deal of harm. He looked over at Ron, and said,  
  
Hey- Ron?" Ron looked over, and met his eyes.  
  
"Yeah, Harry?" Harry held his gaze for a moment, the cleared his throat roughly a few times. His eyes beginning to sting, he said, very simply,  
  
"Thanks." Ron clapped his hand onto Harry's back, and smiled. He didn't have to say anything. Harry already knew.  
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Later than evening, after Harry had already gone to bed, Ron stayed up, watching the fire. It was very late, well past midnight, and all of the other family members were in their beds. 'Only two more days left until school starts,' Ron thought. The feeling brought both happiness and sorrow. They would be returning to world with Voldemort alive, a world that would most likely break out into war in the near future. A world that would be hard to face. The hardest part was not knowing. Not knowing what would happen next. That kind of fearful anticipation was hard to face. But they would have to do it. Ron thought of an ancient muggle saying, which was supposedly a curse. 'May you live in interesting times.' Well, that's what we have now. Interesting times. We'll just have to deal with it, I suppose.  
  
Ron's mind went back to that afternoon, and the conversation he had with Harry. Ron felt honored that Harry would trust him with something like that. Over this summer, Ron and Harry's friendship had grown a great deal. Ron knew that Harry trusted him, and needed him. Although Ron didn't know what the future would hold, he did know that if it were necessary, he would give his life for Harry. He knew this as surely as he knew that magic existed, and that the world was round. It wasn't a notion, or an idea in his head. It was a fact.  
  
Ron got up, stretched, and walked upstairs. Little did he know that Harry was lying awake, and thinking of how lucky he was to have Ron, and how he would give his life for him if he needed to.  
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The next morning, Ron, Harry and the twins were playing some early morning quidditch on the yard. All of a sudden, Mr. Weasley cam bursting out of the door then slowed down and walked to wards the boys. He called up to them,  
  
"Boys. Come down. I need to tell you something." They obligingly flew down, landing around Mr. Weasley, and looking at him quizzically. They took in his pale, drawn face, and noted the piece of parchment clutched in his fist with growing fear. Mr. Weasley took a deep breath, and began.  
  
"I just got an owl. There have been several attacks in the wizarding community. Some houses were burned down, and the residents murdered. Floating over each house was a Dark Mark." Arthur Weasley looked around at the horrified faces and wide eyes. He took another breath, and said the words that would always be remembered. It was one of those moments that clearly divided time, and now their lives were only made up of *before* this moment and *after* this moment.  
  
"It has begun."  
  
  
  
  
  
Fin.  
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Wow! And so ends The Wisdom to Know the Difference. I know what you're thinking, there will be a sequel, but it will take a while to get up. This one will have a lot more action. It will deal with Harry's fifth year (and, no, the title will not be Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. that's getting old, and the book hasn't even come out yet!) There will be fights. There will be Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, and a bunch of other goodies! The title will be, (dun dun DUN!)  
  
"Let Slip the Dogs of War." I know, I know, I can't seem to get away from these quotes *BAD Balizabeth!* I'm sorry, I just can't help myself....  
  
  
  
  
Anyway, this chapter was SO hard for me. I worked so long on it and I still don't like it. That's what the delay was about, I was just having so many problems. And now you are all probably mad at me, what with the ending and all. *urg...Balizabeth runs and hides in a corner away from her angry reviewers.* Anyway, on with the comments....  
  
WhetherRose- Thank you so much for your dedication to my fic. You have been great, and I hope you enjoy my next one, whenever it comes up. Yours is awesome, keep at it!  
  
neutral- Thanks for reviewing! Your opinion means a lot, and I am glad you like it. Don't worry about the delay, I am just as bad. Oh, and CoS is going great! Can't wait for more!  
  
JaimeyKay- Yay, an LOTR buddy! I'm glad you spotted the quotes...*sigh*...I'm hopelessly obsessed! I must admit, I love Ron too. He is just so good. And I have plans for Malfoy in my next fic, don't worry. Thanks for all your reviews!  
  
Jagged Edge- so much for every day. Thanks for the review.  
  
I know, I know, I probably forgot people. Sorry! I am really bad about stuff like that  
  
  
Please, review! It may help my motivation for my sequel! Come on, it's not hard...I'm even accepting not-signed reviews. I'm making it very easy for you. Now press that button! Please!   
  
Cheers!  
Balizabeth 


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